Sex must be mixed with tears, laughter, words, promises, jealousy, envy, travel, new faces, stories, dreams, fantasies, music, dancing and wine. Anáis Nin
In my draft novel The Spa Resort there are several scenes involving romance, from enticing glances, to fully immersed lovemaking. Sometimes the characters fail clumsily. In other scenes they are seductive successes. As I wrote them I wondered what people would think. Would they be offended? Would they want the ‘juicy stuff’? Would innuendo be good enough? What kind of language should I use to describe these scenes? What if members of my family, friends, or neighbors read them? Would I feel embarrassed, be called sexist? Would I have to give my Boy Scout badges back?
So I thought I’d put a summary together of how other authors go about writing sex scenes. The spectrum is as varied as romance itself. On one end, there are gratuitous sex scenes put in just to titillate the reader. Just like in many of today’s movies where there has to be some nudity, a car chase, an explosion, and a fight. A scene where two people find themselves unexpectedly near a bed and feel compelled to rip each other’s clothes off then touch, lick, squeeze, and generally mimic a game of twister on that bed. Then there is the opposite side, obligatory (by genre) sex scenes where two people have met and over 20 chapters fallen in love despite themselves. Where their relationship naturally culminates in a passionate love scene, finally, often behind doors closed to the reader.
The extent of detail and the language used to describe a sex scene will depend on the genre. A sex scene in a young adult romance story will be much different than that found in an erotic romance drama such as the now famous 50 Shades of Grey. As they say, the cart doesn’t lead the horse. So find out who your readers are and write a sex scene that suits their taste, not yours. Every genre has its rules and you should know them.
Romance novels focus on the romantic relationships and their effect on the plot. Erotic novels focuses on relationships expressed through sex. If your story focuses just on sex without a story or plot, that would be pornography.
Sex seems to lend itself to clumsy writing. A few do’s and don’ts: Never use the words penis or vagina. Never use genital euphemisms. Do use all the senses when describing the sexual encounter. Don’t forget to include foreplay. Desire is often more interesting to read than the sex act itself. If you can remember that far back, people think during sex. The thoughts characters have during sex are just as important to the reader as the act itself.
Rather than using direct, all revealing language, the use of subtle innuendos can create powerful impressions on the reader. They can force the reader to actively use their imaginations. Also, you can say things like ‘He pressed is hips into hers,’ and people will know what you are talking about. I can remember a scene in Arthur Miller’s play, The Crucible, where the pilgrim Proctor gives into a judge’s inquiry about his relations with an unmarried young woman. He raises his arms to the sky and cries out, ‘I have known her!’ then drops his head and begins to sob. That all he said, and he said it all.
Now, why write a sex scene at all? A sex scene in your novel should serve a purpose. It should move the plot forward and complicate things for the protagonist. Often it will play into a sub-plot. A sex scene is a story in itself. The arc of a sex scene is similar to that of any story arc. Two people meet, flirt, tension builds, then becomes irresistible. Things move onto foreplay, conflict, and the climax (sorry, bad pun).
When you’ve worked hard to create the personas in your story, you should keep each characterization in mind when it comes to the language used between two of them in a love scene. A prudish librarian is likely to sound and act differently in bed than a heavy drinking bricklayer. A sex scene where the characters are desperate, angry, or depressed will sound very different from a sex scene where the characters are tender or full of longing. Stay within the boundaries of your character’s emotions. Yet still let the reader in on what motivates the character’s desire to have sex. Some characters are focused on giving pleasure, others only want to take it.
Lastly, you can write sex without writing sex. I just finished reading the book ‘Thirteen’ by Steve Cavanagh. It’s a detective thriller. I thought it was interesting that he describes several gruesome murders in great detail. But there is only one sex scene. The central character makes a call in the middle of the night to a single female private detective and hears a man’s voice in the background. So it was only implied that they had sex together that night. I suppose the author didn’t want to shock his readers with anything other than gruesome murders.